Smile

Taja looked at her watch one last time. After a bout five minutes later the sound of her own heals cli

Taja looked at her watch one last time. After a bout five minutes later the sound of her own heals clicking against the cement began to irritate her. Just to think that in less than an hour she would be riding on cloud nine. She looked across the station to see how much longer it would be before her train came. “Ten more minutes” she gasped.

She never understood after twenty years of living why time seems to slow down when you’re in a rush to live in an unforgettable moment. She was excited. No she was more than that but was unable to come up with the words to describe it. A devilish grin began to sneak up on her face as a young man in black basketball shorts and a gray hooded sweatshirt approached her from behind. She almost didn’t recognize the voice. “Hey.” 

When she turned around she was expecting some young boy trying to get bold while boosting his ego eager for her number. But that wasn’t who she saw at all. It was her love. Her first, last, and only. “What are you doing here? You were supposed to meet me at the airport!” 

“Yeah I know but I had other plans, if that’s alright with you miss Taja” “

What plans?” She said as she folded her arms across her chest. She wanted to act as if he didn’t boost her excitement to a level in which she almost couldn’t control. She didn’t want to seem as though he had her wrapped around his enormous finger. Truth was she was but this weekend would definitely change all of that. But he knew her to well. After all these years she had given up trying to prove her womanhood to him. Fed up with chasing after his affection after he fed it to her like a bottle and ripped it away weaning her a little too early. "You don’t understand" he would say. "Yes I do" she thought. "I understand everything". But the words just were never able to leave her lips in the right way so that she could make him understand. 

She stared at him. His eyes were dark. Mamma always told her to watch out for men with dark eyes. You can never get to their soul. For all she knew he was empty. Completely deserted. If not, all she knew was that she was not allowed there but she could never stop herself from trying to sneak in. She decided to look away before her eyes told him too much about what she was thinking. 

“Come on, lets go I didn’t want you catching the train I rented a car.” He spoke in such a simple tone as he reached for her suitcase and began to walk away without even peeking back to see if she was following. He knew she was and that’s what killed her about him. That’s what was so addictive about him.

“Why would you rent a car for thirty minutes just so we can ride to the airport?” She yelped as she click-clacked behind him in her five inch black leather boots she bought specifically for this day. He didn’t notice. He didn’t respond. “Hello?” 

“What?” He finally uttered back. She was starting to believe this man was born with no emotion. “

Why do you have a rent-a-car? It doesn’t make sense.”

 “I decided that we would just drive. It would be more fun” He crossed the street above the train station ahead of her as he walked towards a black SUV and popped the trunk. 

“Okay… but your wasting plain tickets” 

“I already cancelled the flight I’ll use em’ over the summer or something.” She wondered if he planned to take her with him then. What a thought. She decided it was stupid to think about it as she erased the picture of him and her drinking lemonade on beach. As she got closer to the SUV she thought she saw something move. Closer. It was a head. “Oh lord”. It was two heads. This was the beginning of her plan unraveling. Intruders. Now was the time to say something, to put her foot down. Time to let this man know that she was going to have her way and two extras was not it. Ever since she was a little girl she never had a problem speaking her mind. She told her teacher to go to hell after she told Daddy she plagiarized because the language was “just too advanced for a fourth grader.” That’s who she was, advanced, top of the line. She knew it, he knew it, and everybody knew it. She was the top intern at the best law firm in the city. She was well on her way to becoming a successful lawyer slash politician. She was drop dead gorgeous. She was independent, dependable, and out- going. "Ferocious Taj”" is what he called her when they first got to know each other. He was her missing link. Yet He is what caused her lack of ferociousness and tenacity. He opened the trunk to throw her bag in.

“Hey Taja!” It was Paige her old high school buddy. Taja didn’t talk to her much anymore because she was always busy with work and school. Besides she was engaged to his best friend Cesar. She hated hearing about their relationship and hated the association. Her relationship could have been the same or better. She felt low whenever she spoke to Cesar knowing that he knew more than she probably ever would.

“Hi Paige. How you doing? Hey Cesar.” She forced a smile on her face but was unsure how successful she was at convincing them she was happy to see them. He was watching. He definitely knew what he was doing to her. 

“Hey!” Cesar actually looked excited. Shocking. 

Paige replied “We’re good Taj. Real good.” She paused as she looked at Cesar with a big goofy grin. He grinned back. God, Taja wanted to feel that love! She became jealous then was rocked out of her mind when Paige blurted out, “I’m pregnant!” 

“Your what?” That was all Taja could get out. She looked back at King as he opened the car door for her to get in. He was smiling. He already knew. 

“Yeah three months. We’re so excited. I can’t believe it Taj! It’ s an unbelievable feeling, I’m telling you.” Paige began to glow as she touched Cesar’s hand and kissed him on the cheek. Beautiful.

“Congrats’ to the both of you. I’m so happy for you.” She really was. After all Paige was her best friend. But she couldn’t help but feel empty inside and wonder why that couldn’t have been her. She got in the passenger seat and took in a deep breath as he walked around to the driver’s side and hopped in. He looked at her. She looked back. Then he smiled a smile she hadn’t seen in so long. He started the engine then drove off. 

“Yall ready?” He asked the goofy happy couple as he looked at them in the rear view mirror then shook his head. They didn’t respond they were too busy smiling at each other. They acted as thought they were looking at each other for the first time. Cute. 

“You ready?” he questioned Taja in an almost paternal voice as he leaned closer to observe her mood. 

“Yeah now watch the road please.” She was so confused. She wanted to know what was going on but she decided to just relax until Paige opened her mouth. 

“So King, how’s Trish doing?” She almost stopped herself as if she knew she was wrong. King looked in the rearview and swallowed hard. 

“Ummm she’s doing good I guess. She working hard you know.” 

“Who’s Trish?” Taja couldn’t help but ask. 

“My Ex” he said with regret. “My ex-fiancé” 

He kept his eyes straight ahead for a few more seconds then looked at Taja. She looked out her window. She was crushed. How could he not tell her he was engaged? Why would he call her now and offer her a trip to Las Vegas knowing he just broke off an engagement? Why? Why? She couldn’t take it anymore. Everything needed to end right now. Right here. But how? 

“Pull over King!” She screamed. She didn’t feel it coming out she just know it felt good after she did. To her surprise he didn’t fight with her as he slowly guided the SUV to the side of the road. “What is going on? Why are you doing this?” King didn’t speak. All of a sudden Cesar and Paige opened their car doors and began climbing out. 

“Where you guys going?” She asked puzzled. 

“I was just dropping them off real quick.” King tried to explain. 

“Yeah our car’s in the shop. Thanks King.” Cesar said quickly as he closed his door and walked around to Paige who was gathering all of her bags. She looked up at Taja with a sorry face.

“Our friends having a little engagement party for us. Sorry you couldn’t make it. I would have told you but I didn’t have your number.” She closed the door then walked to Taja’s window to give her a hug. “Be good okay?” She knew Taja was struggling. She knew Taja needed to make some changes but she knew she couldn’t tell her anything. She would just wait for her friend to come back to her.

Taja exhaled “Okay I will.” As she did, she felt as though she was saying goodbye forever. She was embarrassed and wanted to go hide under a rock. Why did she neglect her friend? Why was she jealous? Her and Paige used to be so tight and she allowed him to get in between them. She was ready for a change. 

“Bye”. “See you later King” Paige waved. 

“See ya have fun!” He waved back. Taja watched the happy couple disappear as she and her first and only love drove away. Taja finally understood what she needed. What she thought she needed was only continuing to add to her demise. At this rate he would be the excuse for all of her failures. She was not about to let that happen. She felt like a volcano about to burst. Her head got tense. Her tongue got tight then she let it loose. 

“Your taking me home right now. I made a big mistake, a huge mistake by believing that after six years of dealing with your indecisiveness, neglect, and dishonesty that you would come back. How stupid!” 

“Taj, listen” he spoke clearly. 

“No. You messed up. I don’t understand why I allowed you to run my life. What type of man are you?” 

“Taj!” He was obviously frustrated. So she would allow him to speak. 

“Yes!” She spit the word out like venom.

“I’m sorry.” What? Taja couldn’t believe her ears. She had never heard those words come out of his mouth. “You’re right but you know what? You allowed me to treat you the way you do. I’ve been basically waiting for the day you would stand up for yourself. I couldn’t picture myself being with someone so passive.” He looked at her. “Its too easy.” The words cut her throat. Easy? 

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” She was beginning to see the light. 

“How could I?” All of sudden her stomach began to turn. To think that that was it; that was all he needed from her but he couldn’t give her the respect enough to tell her. She didn’t see it herself. She was so much smarter than that. She was smarter than him. “So I think we should go ahead and go to Vegas and get to know each other again and talk all this over. Okay?” 

“No that’s not okay” She cut back. He smirked at her. She was bluffing. 

“Taj come on were gonna’ have a good time.”

She didn't respond. She saw that they were getting close to the train station again. She was beginning to get hot. The car stopped at a red light. 

“I’ll see you later King” Taja briskly opened the car door and jumped out. He could keep the bag she thought as she began strutting crossing the street. She kept walking as she heard him yelling her name. She walked faster as a single tear fell to the cement. Suddenly a smile crept up on her face, a free smile.