My Identity: Afrocentrism vs. Feminism

I have asked myself this seemingly puzzling question before in hopes of an honest answer; as an African American female, do I identify myself more profoundly based on my race or on my gender? Perhaps the answer lies in my upbringing and the learned priorities and ideals of ethnicity and sex that have been given to me throughout the years. Maybe I am able to answer the question based on my individual and independent experiences away from home that molded my unique perspective of the two. I have even more recently pondered the idea that I may be ignorant in my full knowledge of one or the other, which allows me to place one at a higher standard. My initial response to the question, would no doubt in my mind, be that I first identify my self as Black. My individual concept of self-identity then leads me to classify myself as female somewhere a little bit later down the road. Although I am predominantly content with my answer and have been for the majority of my life I am still a bit unsatisfied. As a woman of color, a being whom in this society has been placed at the absolute bottom of the totem pole (I also identify myself with the working class), why do I not have an equal acceptance for all that I am? As I trace my past experience a sufficient explanation perhaps can be discovered.
I was raised in a family of predominantly women. Women who are strong, resilient, Afro centric, God fearing, and able. They were at the head of the family traditions such as our yearly Kwanzaa celebration in Oakland. They generally were the individuals who took other family members in who were down in luck and fortune. The women held the family together. The women in my family did not seem to be inferior to the men. Aside from the fact that they were outnumbering, they also seemed to have the ability to hold their own intellectually. In fact, more women in my family have degrees of some sort than the men. Gender roles were in fact extremely prevalent, for the women did the majority of the cooking, cleaning, and reared the children. However, these roles were fulfilled with acceptance, honor, and self-esteem. I learned at an early age from a few of the examples in my family, that typically, the man assumed the position as head of the household.
Contrary to my presumed values of men, I came from broken homes in which the men were often ridiculed for not following through with their responsibilities, thus allowing the woman to take on both hers and the male’s roles. I later came to identify this issue of domestic dysfunction as being a part of the Black experience. It is rare to find a black household that had not been plagued with the disruption and absence of the male’s influence. For this reason, in my mind, single mother hood in my community never seemed to be an issue of sexism but of racial propaganda. I absorbed the belief for the most part that my people were victims of racial providence. “ It was also true that, because enslaved children were more likely to stay with their mothers, fathers were forced to run away…. The typical runaway slave was a lone man between the ages of sixteen and thirty-five, who paid the price of losing contact with his family.” (Roberts 43) Many of our inabilities to function productively in this society were directly or indirectly caused by the mental and physical burdens we bear from slavery and the multiple years of racial oppression thereafter. I then assumed the responsibility as a black civilian to not allow myself to fall victim to “the man” any longer. I was taught to at all times give the best representation of my people at every level especially scholarly. That meant if needed, I had to work harder and take the necessary and often extra steps in order place my self in more socially superior circumstances that went above and beyond the expectations of whites as well as my African American counterparts.
Following my parents untimely divorce in 2000, due to a loss of income, my mother made the decision to move with my younger sister and I to a neighboring city near my hometown of Oakland CA. I was then forced to transfer middle schools in another near by city, which to my initial dismay was predominantly Caucasian. For the first time in my life I was no longer known as the smart light skinned girl at the school, I was the one black girl from Oakland (a metropolitan area well known for its ghettos and crime rate). I immediately put my game face on for I knew and could feel that everyone was constantly watching me. During the course of the two years I attended school in the valley, I had suffered from a few ignorant remarks pertaining to my culture and ethnicity, and was often times irritated for being singled out by teachers and classmates. They seemed to be astonished by and curious about my intellect as is if I were some sort of gimmick. However, I found my self rising to the occasion and excelling academically as well as socially. I quickly became one of the popular kids and had received numerous recognitions such as the “Student of The Month Award for November 2001.” I was asked once by a family friend why I had chose such a time to go above and beyond in my academics? I simply responded with no hesitation, “I had to prove those white people wrong.”
My learned values pertaining to my blackness taught me to believe that if I were to walk into any room, I was a representation of my people and my family, for my identity as an African American is directly linked to me through my kinship. As I ventured off into the world independently my values amplified. Simultaneously I rarely have felt the need to prove myself as a woman in a male dominated society. I am however, aware and am a victim of some of the harsh statistics that highlight gender inequalities specifically in arenas such as the workforce. I do feel as though being a minority on top of being a female has put a damper on my working class status. I have noticed that although I may feel more qualified for certain positions and pay rates, my male counterparts seem to more commonly have higher incomes than mine. Men also have a noticeably less difficult time finding new work. At the same token, being that statistically females make up a larger population in universities, I find myself not as concerned by the gender inequalities but rather in more of a competition with female counterparts.
I have never identified myself with feminist ideals. Similar to Susan Muaddi Darraj who saw a conflict between her feminism and her Arab heritage “I understood their struggles and respected their courage” however, “I didn’t like the way feminism viewed people like my mother and grandmother and aunts – and me for that matter” (Muaddi Darraj 297) Furthermore, I have felt more criticisms from females in opposition to men throughout my lifetime, which led me to feel more comfortable in a predominantly male presence opposed to female. Women have come across to me to be more opposed to my progress and less likely to be of assistance. I find myself, in terms of job searching hoping to not have a female supervisor for I have often times had more of a struggle proving my capabilities to them. Women are typically harder on one another. I have also discovered through my own discourse, that when it comes to racial differences, it is often times the women who are less accepting of integration. For example, minority women often times have greater opposition to bi-racial couples and are less likely than minority men to date outside of their race. Perhaps these womanly values are a sign of the mental domination we have suffered for multiple centuries at the hands of. One may believe that through my oppression I would feel a more defined since of womanhood, however, in these times and throughout my entire life I could not feel more isolated.
“We are not particularly women anymore; we are parties to a transaction designed to set us against each other.” (Jordan, 439) In her article June Jordan made note of the fact that women through our universal struggles have been reserved to be separated by the forces of race and class differences. For example, the issue of feminism versus race could not possibly be drawn more attention to than what it did in the previous presidential election. No single election was more historical. For the first time both opportunities of either the first African American or the first female president were sure possibilities. Although many African Americans were at one point familiar and or fond of Sen. Hillary Clinton, the majority of them were definite Sen. Barack Obama supporters for they felt a strong and deeper connection to him as a people. A connection I felt as well. I personally had some slight conflict considering my appreciation for Sen. Clinton and her legislative history; her battle for universal healthcare and the working class in particular, however voting for Sen. Obama was almost second nature. “She is still a white woman”, I recall explaining to someone in regards to my vote with a strong emphasis on white. “She does not understand all of my struggles.” In retrospect, I must ask myself what made me believe that he understood more than she? As I trace back my relationships with both women and people of African American decent it is evident that through both learned and independent experiences, I, like most women (minority in particular), have been affected in such a way that I was trained to identify myself more closely with “my people,” than with my womanhood.
Feminism has been a difficult concept for me to come to terms with. As an African American of the working class status, in comparison, gender related injustices never seemed to be as prevalent in my current oppression. I have realized that ironically, my oppression and internalized values as a member of my race and class has lead to my subjugated dismissal of my femininity. I was reared to believe that I am woman, but more importantly, I am Black. Perhaps if women were to take a step back and reevaluate our lives and our values, we could perhaps join forces based on our shared experiences while relinquishing our previous prejudices against one another. As long as women allow our racial and class differences to rule our individual perspectives of our self-identity and separate us, we will forever be victims of our own injustices.

Works Cited
Darraj, Susan Muaddi. “Its Not an Oxymoron: The Search for Arab Feminism”
Jordan, June. “ Report from the Bahamas” Feminist Theory Reader: Local and Global Perspectives Ruth McCann & Seung-Kyung Kim. Routledge: New York, 2003. 438-446.
Roberts, Dorothy. “Reproduction Bondage” Killing the Black Body: Race, Reproduction, and the Meaning of Liberty. Dorothy Roberts. Knopf 1998. 23-55.

Self-Reflexivity Essay: I am a Researcher

As a researcher, I hold multiple identities, some I am constantly aware of, and others I tend to not notice so much. Identities such as age I tend not to worry too much about. What I tend to be constantly cognizant of through my everyday life, are the aspects of my identity that either cause the most attention to myself or have a historical and current controversy within American society such as race, religion, and socioeconomic class. I had previously wrote an analytical essay in a woman’s studies course in which I proposed the idea that as an African American female, I tend to identify more with the black perspective rather than a feminist ideology. Only in the more outrageous circumstances in which I am amongst a group of all men, do I become self aware of my gender. I am always aware of my African American heritage and constantly consider circumstances in which my “race” plays a factor into the outcome. Whenever I encounter someone new, I ponder what they thought of me as a Black Person, and I am always concerned about giving off the best impression because I feel as though I am a representation of my race and my culture of people. I am also very critical of people and organizations that I believe or is known to have their own biasness against my African culture and race. My socioeconomic class has become more prominent in my life, going hand in hand with my African American heritage, because I see the unfair treatment and lack of resources given to my people. It makes me impartial against such biases and more critical to all people with wealth, power, and of the more dominant race.
As I get older and am becoming more involved in the world of academia, I come across more criticisms of religion and more specifically the more predominant or widely accepted religion such as Christianity in which I am a devout member. At times I find some difficulty to merge both ideologies and critiques of intellectualism and spirituality, however my biasness more often times lies within my spirituality. So far this has not become an issue for me because I am open to and interested in learning about different faiths and religions, in fact I find the variety fascinating and in no way do I ever use my individual religious beliefs to condemn someone else’s. It does however effect the way I see the world, society and the way people are. I make inferences about particular people who hold similar faiths as mine, and those who have opposing views. I try to be impartial as possible and I never feel as though one person’s beliefs are wrong and that only my beliefs are right, however when it comes to issues of morality and what is right versus what is wrong, such as abortion and capital punishment, I tend to have conflicting views stemming from my religious beliefs and my more logical and intellectual standards. At times, but not often, I am unable to make decision based upon my beliefs because my many different identities that have effects on my thought process conflict with one another.