Introduction
Michael Esquivel Alexander is a 25-year-old Salvadorian and Mexican Telecommunications major and is also a part of the track and field team at California State University Los Angeles. Although we had been sitting beside one another in our Communications 300 course for about 6 weeks, he was brought to my full attention a few weeks prior to interviewing him through a mutual friend who had made mention of a conversation she had had with him in which he openly discussed his believes, or rather, a lack there of pertaining to religion and spirituality. His self disclosure lead her to believe that Michael was in fact an outright Atheist, one who does not believe in the institution of religion, nor that a God or higher power exists. Immediately a negative connotation of Michael resonated within me, one of misunderstanding rather than disapproval, however I was intrigued. As a Christian and as an cultured and academic individual, I have had a compelling relationship within my believe system, one that has taken me on a fascinating journey, but nonetheless, evoked inquisition in other beliefs and other ways of thinking as a means of building a well rounded panoptical view of the world around me.
I had yet to come across someone such as Michael within my age bracket that would be willing to discuss their non-belief frankly, one on one, and in an academic atmosphere. I was somewhat hesitant at first to ask Michael if he would be willing to discuss his beliefs with me, an almost total stranger, because I was not too sure how to go about asking him. The name “Atheist” seems to trigger many negative predispositions within others or religious cohorts as being a group of people who encompass pessimism towards believers, and are cruel evildoers. I was afraid that he would be offended if I were to out right ask him if I could interview him because I had “heard from a few classmates that he was Atheist.” At the same time, I was also concerned about being offended myself if he were to say or make any negative inferences towards me due to his own misconceptions or stereotypes of my belief. Religion and spiritual beliefs are subjects that are complex within their own right and are tricky topics to discuss amongst two people with conflicting views. I was both anxious and open to the communication between us and fortunately, was able to ask Michael if I could interview him in a non-audacious manner and to my gratification, he complied willingly and optimistically.
The Interview
I met Michael after his workout during the week in an empty classroom of the Music Building on the CSULA campus. After asking him some introductory questions pertaining to his background, he quickly explained to me that although he was brought up within the Catholic Church via his highly devout mother, he was never able to grapple the concept of religion. He was raised in a single parent home for the majority of his childhood in which his mother, as the matriarch, attempted to instill within him and his siblings the values of Catholicism. He explained how as a child and after exploring other forms of worship, the Catholic Church was boring to him and gave him a “negative feeling about church” because he felt as though he was being lectured and he thus created a marginalization between him and all religion. It was evident throughout the entire interview that he was a person who did not appreciate being told how to feel or what to believe in especially without concrete evidence. He stated, “I find a peace of mind in figuring things out on my own rather than being told.” When asked if he is an Atheist, he began to clarify that he thought of himself as being borderline, however from what he learned overtime, the more accurate term to describe his system of beliefs would be that of an Agnostic.
Defining the Agnostic
Upon some research I learned that there is no one true definition of Agnosticism for there are many degrees and levels to which an Agnostic believes or passes judgment upon other spiritual values. According to Michael, he is an Agnostic because although he does not believe in God, he stated that he does however, believe in “a higher power [and that] there is something beyond [humanity’s] control that dictates the rules.” As he went deeper into expressing ethnocentricity behind his beliefs, he then declared, “If I believe in anything I believe in myself and my ability to do things.” According to scholarly descriptions found on Wikepedia.com, Michael would be classified as being a Pragmatic Agnostic for he views that “there is no proof of either the existence or nonexistence of any deity, but since any deity that may exist appears unconcerned for the universe or the welfare of its inhabitants, the question is largely academic.”
When asked what is his main aversion towards religion Michael went on to describe the conflict he finds within believers placing blame on the “Devil” when something is wrong and giving the glory to “God” when something is good. Although the conversation rarely came up between him and his mother, she would simply respond to him “don’t say that mijo, you don’t understand” if he were to vocally question the reality of God amidst war, famine, and poverty in such a destructive world. Those who oppose his views and who would eagerly become just as frustrated as him because they failed to prove God’s existence would sometimes frustrate him. He thinks of religion at times as a “fall back” or an easy way out of justifying the way the world works and how humans operate and that those who practice these beliefs have no right to pass judgment upon him.
Michael brought up another key issue within religion that bothers him, that is he feels that the existence of multiple interpretations of the same and contrasting religions is perfectly okay, however he does not understand how each religion and sub religion can stand on the basis that their particular religion is superior to the other. He doesn’t understand how people can believe and try to impose on others forcefully, that their God is better and that another group’s beliefs and principles are wrong. Throughout history disputes over God, church and state, have arisen and wars have been fought even up until the present day. The very foundation for which we live in the United States of America claims to be “one nation under God,” however our government proceeds in bullying other countries of different faiths while taking advantage of their economic and industrial recourses. Based upon the core principles in which most religions function, none of these actions disposing of morals, seem to be adequate.
Understanding the Agnostic
When asked what he felt was the most common misconception of people who embrace beliefs such as himself, Michael grew extremely passionate. He likes to think of himself as a good person who cares about others and doing good things for them. He finds that some of his associates with the knowledge of his Agnosticism may be surprised by his genuine merits and good nature because they believe that people who don’t believe in God are bad people who are selfish, self centered, and rebellious. He says frequently,“I care about people, its so easy.” Although he has his qualms with religion, he accepts some of it’s most influential core concepts such as the 10 commandments and adopts certain key ideals within his everyday life such as the one found in Mathew 7:12, “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.” Michael also finds himself disappointed at times by those believers who don’t reciprocate such actions, thus further validating, in his mind, his choice to stray away from religion.
Michael’s status as an Agnostic comes from a more individualistic identity rather than that of a group, for he doesn’t “go out of his way to partner up with other agnostics” as a form of creating some sort of radical movement. Instead, he chooses to worry about the things that concern him the most, that is, going to school, doing well, and preparing for the future. Although he knows it sounds narcissistic, he believes that if most people worried more about providing their own success rather than conforming with larger groups who are more concerned with correcting the wrongs of others, the world would be a lot better off. He plans to adopt children one day rather than having any of his own, and when asked what are the values he would teach them, he responded that he would insure them that “it is okay to have questions and wonder why [things are the way they are], but at the same time [they] need to know what [they] stand for.” He will teach his children what he has learned during his journey as a person with his own beliefs, that is, although at times he had to fight, he learned eventually that rather than getting frustrated with those who didn’t understand him, he had to learn and accept the way people are, and he takes that knowledge help him in his everyday life.
My Conclusion
There is no doubt in my mind that Michael Esquivel Alexander is a good and kind hearted person who just so happens to have his own understanding concerning his own spirituality and religion. Mostly everything that he spoke of pertaining to the institution of religion I could not help to identify with, because I to have found my own issues within them even as a devoted and God fearing Christian of non-denominationalism. I agree with Michael’s beliefs that you don’t necessarily have to go to church and abide by it in order to be a spiritual person and to follow its core values, however I personally have met God and know him in my heart body and soul. I do not condemn but rather understand how Michael could have ventured away from religion as a child because at the time it did not seem to resonate within him, however I had a different experience growing up and was moved through learning about the word of God in the Bible through my mother, grandparents, and other elders in my community. I in no way blame Michael for his beliefs and interpretations and in fact, commend him for openly vocalizing them all while being non-assertive and not attempting to force his understanding on to others. From my own interpretation, I would say Michael is mostly open-minded when it comes to spirituality and is not completely opposed to it. What he has taken from religion and its core values, is what I believe is the overall intended purpose of religious faith. Although Michael Alexander may not believe in God and the institution that promotes him, he has still more been positively influenced by its foundation to fulfill the greater good, that is, doing good for others, abiding by the 10 commandments, and treating others as you wish them to treat you. He is a perfect yet ironic example of how faith and God has not completely failed.
